Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
