That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
