Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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