alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
