I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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