Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
