Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
