what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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