If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
