your thong is hanging out like whoa
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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