And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you have to choose: penises or morals?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If I die, sorry about rent.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
