this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
