I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
