i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
