He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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