speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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