So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is my gift to your gina
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
