The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
