3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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