I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
