they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
