This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
