i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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