Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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