long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he laminated a picture of his dick.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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