omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i need an iv and a liver transplant
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
