The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
