T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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