capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
