Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
