Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
