dude i'm inner monologue high
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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