Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
