I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
