so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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