Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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