I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
