You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
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you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
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Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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