Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
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Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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