once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
