is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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