it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We were destined to go to rehab together
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
