Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think I just shit out all my problems.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
