and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
