my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
