Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
