You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
