Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
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Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Still dying that you shit outside
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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