Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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