you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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