I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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