Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
