There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
