I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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