Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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