just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
