I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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