Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
