Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
