It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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