i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up