I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.