We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos