hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
