ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.