We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Better not shit yourself at the gym.