everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
