apparently the secret to your success is patron
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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