im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
