she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
