i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
