So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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