Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
