im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
