Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
